Retard Life

I woke up at 2pm yesterday, NOT on my own bed. Dont worry though, i still had my clothes on.

All I remember from the night before is wine. Red, red wine, mahjong, uno cards and hanging out with Ned, Eli, Retard and Steve in Eli's room.

The next thing I know, I am waking up on Retard's bed and it's 2 fucking PM!

WTF WTF?!

I totally panicked my bain off! It's Saturday, and me, being as retarded as ever have an assignemnt due Monday that I hadnt even satrted!

OK yep, i know what u r thinking, u probably think who the hell who has a life will do an assignment the night before its due, right.
Well, 1st of all, I have no life, and 2ndly It was philo-f-ing-sophy. It's the MOST evil off al subjects in the world. I only took it cos I thought all the homework will be thinking...no one told me anything about putting those thoughts into a 1000 word essay! I sure can, but Im not sure if my tutors will be interested in reading '100 ways to kill a person using a toothpick' written in Retard language.

Plus I had to go watch Ten play netball at 3pm

And I was really hungry. Cos i slept through lunch. (Yep, what else is new?)

I made a mad dash back to my room, showered and got dressed. But O wait nope! I have to get some books for my philosophy assignment so I had to get back to the computer and find the bloody books on my library catalogue.

Just my freaking luck that all the books i wanted was checked out! WTF

Anyways, me, disorientated, grabbed 3 Tim Tams,ran downstairs and was about to sprint to uni (It was 4pm and Ten started at 3)

I was just about to turn into super-TV (Ha! Bet u guys didnt know I had super powers!) and run till my skin comes off my flesh when....

JENG JENG JENG

A golden heaven like image drew me close to it...

was it God? Am i dead? did i die in my sleep?
what was it? Oh so heavenly and pleasurable of lights...so...
it was..it was
it was...

the vending machine with all the junkies!

Tummy was growling. It was like feed me u lil bitch! Im hungry!

My brain was like dont do it, run to uni, RUNNNNN

However, as demonstrated above,TV=Retard

So i bought this pack of chips! Hell yes! Well, that was lunch.
SO there was no more running cos well, didnt mom tell u u cant run with a pack of chips?The chips might get hurt.

Anyways, around 4.15 i reached uni and went to the sports centre, holding a opened pack of chips on one hand, and eating a Tim Tam with the other.

All the people in the sports center would have killed me in an instant. I attracted curious, hateful snares and glares from all those 'health concious people' They were like "what the hell is this kid doing here?"

Especially from the chocie lovers, they must have been like, " Jeez, that skank, I come here to work my sweat off and rid my mind of Tim Tams and now he is bringing it right smack in front of my face"

Anyways, all was done and I watched Ten kick ass, they won the 1st game 10-0, but lost the second one to a bunch of chicks with really big butts. NO, I am not exaggerating,this is serious guys...all the gals from that team had HUGE asses.

Yep, and I even yelled," GS, I lovya, have my babies!"

So anyways, went back home, sat in front o my laptop at about 6.30pm and 1052 words later, at approximately 12.30am I was done with philosophy!

Yep! 1052 words later..still nothing makes sense. And I still have editing to do.

Fancy reading a 1052 word paper on personal identity anyone?